Tuesday, February 11, 2014

~ Day 25 ~ "Served" with a smile

I ran into a friend in the store who heard that I had cancer. After exchanging the normal brief pleasantries and updates on kids and jobs, she asked when I started treatment. Normal question. I answered, just over 3 weeks ago. What followed completely astonished me: "Well, the cancer must not be too bad because you haven't lost your hair yet, you're still working and you're able to go shopping. So why do you have people bringing you meals?" 
I took a deep breath and exhaled with the following in a cadence that rivals the best poetry slam:
Now let's just break down your comments one by one.
1. The cancer must not be too bad - Cancer is bad. Yes, there are different stages of cancer and different treatments, but it's ALL bad. I don't wear my stage like a rank on my sleeve as if this hierarchy garners more respect as I earn my stripes. The idea that you could even put those words together, cancer and not too bad, makes me happy you are not in my support circle.
2. You haven't lost your hair yet - Yes, thanks for noticing. Did you happen to see that it's losing pigment and I'm afraid to dye it because it surely would fall out then. I am not on chemotherapy, yeah not the cure for all cancer, but the drugs still can make it fall out. I haven't decided what to do with my hair yet because I have bigger things to worry about like my will, my kids needing their mother, etc. But thanks for noticing.
3. You're still working - Damn straight I'm still working. Do you know how expensive cancer is? I'd love to stay home and take care of myself but I am my only source of income and health insurance and those $800 in meds every month don't pay for themselves. How's your part-time job so you can go to Maui every year treating you?
4. You're shopping - If you call Target at 9pm to avoid the crowds that can make me sick to buy TP, toilet bowl cleaner and disinfectants shopping then yes, I'm shopping. I spend a good portion of my day, while not at work, in the bathroom getting sick or eliminating the only food I could tolerate that day so I try to keep that area as nice as possible. I see you get to shop for that fine boxed wine in your cart. Have fun with that!
5. Why do I have people bringing me meals?: (Huge inhale) You see, I spend my energy fighting my cancer that is that bad, not worrying about my hair but whether or not I'll get to see my kids grow up, I go to work because I have to, and for goodness sake, life's responsibilities don't take a break for cancer. My friends aren't just bringing me a meal, they are providing love, friendship and above all, support.........(exhale...SMILE).........I hope you know that I will be the first person on your doorstep if you ever hear that diagnosis. I will bring you a meal or five. I'll tell you that no matter what happens with your body, you're still beautiful. I'll marvel in all that you manage to get done in a day with or without cancer. And I'll shop for your TP cuz you're gonna need it! Enjoy that boxed wine.
~ still climbing mountains ~

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