~ Day 48 ~ Only Child

Connor has been at camp since Tuesday so I've gotten lots of one on one time with Bennett. He gets to be the only child all week. I know Connor's having the time of his life so this is totally guilt-free. Bennett keeps checking the activities schedule at camp to see what Connor's up to. He and I have played lots of board games, watched what he wanted on Netflix, and went out to dinner tonight together. It has been so fun to see his little spirit shine solo. He's entertaining, intelligent, goofy and super sentimental. His gentle soul is even sweeter without the competition for attention with his brother. He enjoys quiet time painting, coloring, reading and writing stories. He even wrote a letter to Connor and mailed it to camp. There is no doubt that these two brothers love and care about each other greatly as evidenced by them both crying saying goodbye before Connor left. They have been so gracious to each other about their own individual adventures and love to hear each others stories. I'm blown away by this. I can't wait for them to be reunited tomorrow. My boys are pretty awesome. P.S. Matt, I ate actual food tonight!
~ still climbing mountains ~

~ Day 46 ~ Unexpected Hiccup

 The meds I'm on make my mouth super sore to the point it really started to affect what I ate and I didn't want to eat at all. Friday the pain got so bad on the left side I sought emergency dental work early Saturday. By morning, the left side of my face was swollen and I knew I had a pretty bad infection. Thanks to Matt for driving me all over town in search of a good dentist. Turns out a piece of molar broke off due to a cavity that was exacerbated by the "angry" mouth environment. The dentist said I needed a root canal and prescribed antibiotics and pain meds. The pain was so bad that I had no choice but to take them. The dental work will happen over the next couple weeks.

Well, all this put a little hiccup in my treatment and it has made me feel sicker than I have so far (probably not but I try to forget the bad days). I almost got sick wishing my son off to Science Camp this morning. Thankfully, I made it back to the car just in time to not embarrass him. I went to work and spent the little time I was there shaking, feeling light headed and running to the bathroom to be sick. I actually had to go home within a couple hours. Today was probably the first day where I just couldn't push myself through it. I felt defeated, out of control and scared that this will be my new normal. But I'll wake up tomorrow and try it all again.

I am continually amazed and blessed by my sweet friends (old and new) who continue to shower me with their love and support. The visits, food, messages and offers of help are so appreciated. There are aspects of my life where I am not supported and what feels like resented for being sick. That breaks my heart in ways that will never be understood by these people. I would never wish cancer on them and I pray that they are treated better than they are treating me if they ever are. My energy is going to be spent on those that love me and will be here with me through thick and thin.
~ still climbing mountains ~